Christ knows what the inside of Calvin Harris’s brain looks like. On the basis of 18 Months it’s a very VERY HAPPY SHINY PLACE, although the constant drum rolls might start to get on your tits. You’ve already heard 18 Months, trust me. Six of the tracks have already been world straddling rave thudding Mega! Singles! And the rest of the album is the same tracks again, just not as good. Fair play though, 6 hit singles is more than MJ racked up with Thriller, and what Calvin does, he does better than anyone in the world. His rainbow brite synth explosions have got more wobble and charm than Guetta’s similar ear bullying fare, and there’s a slight undercurrent of melancholy to his 8 bit melody that adds an edge to all the mindless euphoria.

The Rihanna vehicle We Found Love is an undisputable candy coloured slice of pop perfection, and the various other guest spots from Florence, Tinie, Example etc etc all deliver straight up big room thrills, as moronic and pleasing as a Jason Streatham chase scene.. Of course it’s not subtle, but what did you expect? Alt-J? Things switch up momentarily when Dizzee pops up on the bass throb of Here 2 China, a track assisted by Mad Decent producer Dillon Francis, who’s presence might explain the welcome drop in tempo. It’s only a blip though, then WA-Hey! We’re back to the party with the Ne-Yo hit Let’s Go. Exhausting.

I can’t even come up with a mark out of 10 for 18 Months. It’s a pop monster, it’ll be heard by millions, and I personally never want to listen to it from start to finish ever again. 🙂 / 10