In early January, I finally got my validation that I’m adhd. I mean I knew it, I’ve known for years. If more knowledge was available in the early 2000’s and girls were considered in studies, I would have had the diagnosis then it was that obvious.

With my adhd, my brain is like a washing machine of clothes, each item represents a though and it spins all day without stopping, driving me completely insane. Sometimes it is funny stuff but the majority of the time, it is stupid stuff that I haven’t thought of in years. It is genuinely so loud too. If I’m in silent, all I can hear is the narration in my head. It gets worse as sometimes it is catchy songs and it doesn’t stop, it never ends. I had the name game mixed with the duck song for a whole day. It was torture.

I got told after my assessment that the choice is mine whether to med or not to med. I had to do my research to see if it would sit with my other neurospice, I had 2 options and after looking over everything, I knew there was one option for me. One med would make other conditions worse and the other seemed to be a good decision. The question is: Do I want to put myself through another medication? I’m currently an insomniac from my other, will silencing my brain and giving me energy mean I won’t sleep? Or will I sleep better without my brain being loud? I have no idea what to do.

The bonus would be I could be productive, it takes me so long to do the simple tasks and I keep forgetting till last minute to do them. I might have my head screwed on for once.

The downer would be that I could lose my humour that comes from all the weird impulsives I have. That would mean I’m boring and I might be less me.

I have over 2 month to decide. It’s a struggle. I wonder if I can try and hope for the best. But yeah, for those who think adhd is just being quirky. Can we swap brains? Please?

After writing the above my new dose of Venlafaxine kicked in and I’ve never made so much progress in the things I hate doing. My brain figured out new ways to edit, completed 3 projects, I did all my chores, caught up on loads of TV. I feel like a winner. Finally.