“Why do you want to do ballet?” “It’s a bit late.” “You’re not a dancer.” “You’re not trained professionally.” Stop and be quiet, I’m talking. I’m doing this for me, it’s my life, my money and my decision.

I was nervous to say the least, not about the subject itself but meeting new people again. It’s not easy being ADHD and the outsider always. Finding out there’s 4 of us in total, made it so much easier.

What did I know about ballet? I ran around in a tutu as a kid, I knew about barre, pointe, arabesque, plié and a few other moves I probably can’t spell. I know about the pain.

The way I see ballet though is: class, grace, elegance, flow, discipline and cute outfits.

I went in putting all expectations out the window. We did maybe 5 barre routines, I picked them up as well as one can for their first time. Can I remember them still? Kind of, my brains a sieve. I’ve never enjoyed something as much in a long time. It’s nice to have time where I’m not in my head, where I’m not thinking the worst, I am just in my element and enjoying the motion.

My goals are: improve my balance on one leg, learn the routines better and work on things at home.

The question I have is whether I want to do the grade 1 exam, it’s tempting to say the least. Could I do it? Possibly with time. Do I want to end up on pointe? Honestly, no. It’s costly.

Dance is that one thing that helps you gain confidence in yourself and your body. It’s powerful. It builds self love. You find this appreciation for what you have. My body is a bit broken but I am doing this. I can do it!

Update: 2 sessions in and the power of maths and counting has made me remember routines. I realised that if it doesn’t add to a certain number that means I’m missing something. I believe I cracked it and I’m so happy with myself. I still judge whether I’m actually good. I don’t feel graceful yet but being on Tik Tok has made me feel better. Some are going on pointe for their first ever lesson, it’s so dangerous and they have no idea the damage it can do. Oh dios mío, as I say.