Burnout and FND By Lola Louise

By MediaMonkey

April 29, 2024

Hello, my old enemy, it’s been a while, I was hoping you’d leave me alone at the most important time of the year but here you are and it’s not good.

Warning signs ignored: constantly drained, not enjoying anything, being moody, hating everything I do, tasks abandoned more than usual, feeling like I’ve ran a marathon every day before leaving bed.

I finally thought, yay, I’m actually getting somewhere. FND was into remission for like 2 months and was progressing in all aspects. I thought I was finally getting back to normal and then it hits me full force, burnout and the FND. Actually, the burnout brought the FND back, it wasn’t fully gone but it was tolerable to say the least.

I miss waking up and not instantly hating my existence. I woke up and was like “life is cool” now it’s more “why is my body so wrong?” Genuinely, I feel like my legs are giving up on me. I’m in pain and aching lots, balance, what balance? I suppose it’s long gone now.

One day out is equaling 5 days inside. Plans, cancelled, I don’t think I can physically do them without landing in consequences. Consequences being: lying on the bathroom floor after puking for hours, being delusional (had some) and blacking out completely.

The sad reality is that I have a concert in under two weeks and I’m scared. I am so scared of what will come when I’m in this state. Am I to even trust that I’m going to be okay enough? Me and bright lights, bad idea. Me and very loud overwhelming noises, it leaves my brain buzzing for hours, bad idea. This will be my first proper concert in 2 years. I barely made it to that one.

In these moments, I wonder “how did I make it through last time?” I can’t even remember. My hobbies have become my work so I now can’t even get away from life. It keeps chasing me.

I bought some diamond art to do but I can only do so much. 8500 plus diamonds, I’m not joking. It’s Taylor though. I somehow have fell into the web that is a Swiftie. I’m enjoying it somehow, it’s keeping me a level of sane. I’m hoping that this is how I get out of burnout. Maybe it will work this time. One will see what can come in the future.

How does one take time for themselves?

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