People have called me a “slut” “slag” & “whore” since I was around 15, because of the way I look and the outfits I choose to wear, even in school uniform this happened. I’ve never been near nobody and never want to, it’s not appealing to me.

“It doesn’t hurt” “you’re just being silly” “it’s not intrusive” “it’s selfish to not go” some women have absolutely vile attitudes towards other women. What others do with their body isn’t anyone else’s business. Everyone’s life experiences are different, nobody’s is the exact same. Your experience is only your experience. The same women who say “your body, your choice” when it comes to abortion shame others into doing things.

The toxic attitudes push women from going to the smear or push them into it when they’re not even ready to go or don’t have to go. I think it’s time we be honest about our experiences to push for better tests. The speculum was created by a man over 50 years ago and it’s still being used despite other new methods made by women having the same accuracy.

I felt pressured into going as a virgin with no sexual history at all, the smear is for HPV, the likelihood of getting HPV in my case is nearly 0%. It isn’t necessary in my case, it can wait. I’ve had the vaccine. I tested negative, obviously. There’s so much misinformation about, HPV is sexually transmitted, if you’ve had no sexual contact, your likelihood of getting HPV is the same as mine.

My first smear was the most traumatic it could be. I asked for the smallest speculum, the cervix couldn’t be seen so had to have the biggest, that hurt me so bad, I could have screamed, nothing had ever been up there, I couldn’t even get a tampon up. Couldn’t see the cervix, had to reposition, inserted again, the brush was too big for my tilted cervix, inserted again final time. It was excruciating. My legs were shaking. I have a very high pain tolerance and that, that was horrible. I am still in pain and it’s been days.

I wanted a home test so I could do it in my own time, in my own safety, they didn’t have them. I cried and panicked for days. Others have experienced the same as me, because it’s scary, invasive, yet we’re dismissed and invalidated by others.

Sanziana Foia, a medical student, made it her mission to change how it’s done by testing using period blood. She’s a legend to me, she actively has changed healthcare and isn’t being spoke about enough. She even created a device to give test results at home. I think it’s time more women, stand up and say “no” to being tortured in the name of health. There’s even urine tests too. It’s now time to have a better version of a mammogram, why should women have to have their boobs forced and squashed by a machine? If it was a man’s balls, it would be different. There’s gotta be better methods. It’s time to find them.