By MediaMonkey

April 24, 2024

Currently feeling like a complete fraud. 7 years of my life with this diagnosis and only within the last 6 months or so I’ve started realising it was a huge mistake on someone else’s part. I wouldn’t have ever known better as knowledge wasn’t available to me for a long time.

Let’s start at the beginning, the reason I was referred for an autism assessment in the first place. At 14/15, in 2014, I was badly dealing with at least 5 traumas interlinked at once, they were so damaging to me that I was a completely different person, I couldn’t function the way I used to, I became closed off, I couldn’t go to classes at school without being so emotionally overwhelmed by it all. It was GCSE years so, dumping all that stress on me too, I was crumbled. PTSD, something I had no idea I had till 2019, they managed to lose my diagnosis since then. I thought up until around that point that it was only for veterans, unaware it doesn’t discriminate. Because of how badly I was dealing with everything that’s how I ended up with FND. The PTSD and FND together brought havoc over my almost every day life.

Them: Oh, she’s likely autistic.

There wasn’t knowledge of PTSD in children. There wasn’t knowledge of FND. If there was this knowledge then, it would have been a different story.

My autism assessment, most of them took place between 16 and 17. These assessments were catered at toddlers and little children. Not someone my age. You can see the inaccuracy. I remember sitting there in the assessment like “what is this?” It made no sense why they were treating me like a little kid when I was an adult, I was in college. When I got my diagnosis, I didn’t know better. I was like “Oh finally, this must explain my life.” When the report came from the child psychologists, it was completely inaccurate, it made me seem like a robot. When in reality, I was questioning everything and uncomfortable being treated like a child. It made me cry reading it, it was that offensive.

Years later, I took an ADHD quiz to humour myself. Someone on my X had been given the quiz for her diagnosis and posted it. I scored 45/50. I was like “OMG. I’m ADHD. That makes sense.” It matched my entire childhood to a T. I start things, never finish, productive or never productive. Constantly running like a motor or just unable to move. Over time, I started realising that I related to ADHD more than autism. People told me that was normal with AUDHD. I brushed it off.

After being invited onto multiple podcasts to talk about autism, I realised I didn’t relate at all. I didn’t have any struggles, no sensory struggles bar the FND ones, I didn’t mask nor ever did. Out of curiosity, I took the autism quiz, I scored 10/50 “you aren’t likely autistic.” I believed it. Autistics can spot autism a mile off. I can split autism in others. They can all spot ADHD in me, not autism. Even professionals who diagnosed both in the past for others, they couldn’t even see autism and asked if it was even accurate, I said no. She said she spotted ADHD straight away and offered me a referral, she validated my previous questioning.

At where I stand now, I feel like a fraud because I’ve done so much campaigning for autism equality, awareness and acceptance, including my TV show, Monday Blues which I had to change due to my questioning.

Turns out the combination of PTSD, FND and ADHD made it seem like autism and it’s really not. I’m going to go for my ADHD referral and to explain that I’ve been misdiagnosed. I hope I’m actually took seriously. I feel like a bad person though. Like I’ve lead people on but people lead me to believe otherwise. It’s not the first time I’ve seen misdiagnosing, it’s happening more and more.

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