A disturbance is brewing outside our media tent. Venturing out into the VIP area a small mass of about 100 people have gathered. Is it a (High Flying) Bird? Well, sort of. It’s only Noel Bloody Gallagher!
Excitement grips the surrounding throng like a hoover strapped onto an curious teenager’s testicles. It’s Noel Gallagher! Look! There he is! Relaxing amidst a beer brand’s backdrop (I don’t want to say which, but I really feel like drinking a HEINEKEN right now) and chatting to a Spanish TV presenter in a white shirt. Peering over shoulders, standing on tiptoes, curling iPhones around the dude in front… everyone wants to catch a glimpse of the legend that is Noel Gallagher.
What has humanity come to? I get celebrity worship, I’m guilty of it at times too. But all of the people here have the wristbands to prove that they are in fact very important people at this festival of music. That means that they are either closely connected to the music industry, or they paid a load of extra money to be in here. While Noel is chatting to some dude on Spanish TV there are about to be performances from Jessie J, Buzzcocks, Fujiya & Miyagi and probably more elsewhere.
They will be on stage doing what they are all professionals at, doing what thousands of people have paid to see them do and what millions would probably love to see them do if they had the means/access. Funnily enough, Noel will be doing that later too. In between telling the NME his opinions on things, he’s also a musician. A fine one.
But have we really got to a point where standing and watching Noel sitting down is more interesting/important to a load of people who supposedly have a vested interest in music than artists actually playing music? (Have we really got to a point where someone sees fit to write about it?) If so, turn off the lights. Start it all again.
Being in the VIP is nice. For professionals it’s helpful for a number of boring reasons, for fans it can be exciting and for anyone with a moral compass, cleaner toilets are a plus. But once people care more about being in the VIP that being at the show we have reached the point where it’s time to go home. The entire point of everything has been missed.
That being said, we also hope that Noel reads this, likes us, becomes our friend, laughs at our jokes, confides in us in times of need and invites us over for parties.